Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
