i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
