I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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