shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
