im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
