those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
