I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How external is "for external use only"?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you never un-have a 4some
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
