why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's blow job season.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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