I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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