can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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