I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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