So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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