don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
