smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
