ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
