tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
