I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
