Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
