she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
