This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
