I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
