And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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