break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
