the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
