I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Randomize
