Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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