It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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