I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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