a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
