Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
