Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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