I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
