You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
