yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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