matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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