Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
