you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
