i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
