This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
