First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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