Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
