Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
