I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
