Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I love having hate sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
