But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
