i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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