I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there was a trapeze. enough said
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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