Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
