he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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