Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
