Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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