dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
