so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
