my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
